Just Eat the Cake

My sister in law said I should say how I feel when I feel it instead of how I feel after I coach myself through it. So many times I write about how I see things after I have switched my point of view to make it through life but recently it has been hard to do to say the least.

The other day a friend who has cancer told me...JUST EAT THE CAKE because life is hard enough and tomorrow is not promised. So that's just what I did. Seems like enjoying the pumpkin chocolate chip bread for breakfast with Wynston and then extra buttered popcorn while watching a move in bed with Wyatt and Patrick was the best remedy for too much stress.

The past few days, what am I saying, weeks have been hard and exhausting. The feelings of having a house in hurricane recovery and the murdered out minivan having damage and needing to buy a new van within a week is hard to describe.

I cried as Patrick and I talked about buying a van because we have been talking for almost a year about getting a converted van but I could never wrap my head around it. It was, well still is very hard for me to accept that we need a wheelchair accessible van. I know Wyatt needs it and I need it because I can't lift his little electric chair but God it's hard to make my heart be ok with it. Patrick has been researching for so long what would be the best for our family and thank God he has because I tried today and couldn't find anything but a substitute til we find what we really need. That evening after hours of looking and lots of tears we put in inquiries on 3 used vans and 2 new vans. Let me tell ya'll converted vans are EXPENSIVE...like holy crap I could buy a luxury vehicle and still come out less than a van that would be best for us. It's aggravating to say the least that being disabled is so expensive...that sounds terrible but good grief if you have a two income household there is no outside help. And by 2 income I'm not even working as a nurse, like I went to school for, because I have a child that needs my help. I love being able to do it but it would be nice a help if we finally got to the top of the states waiting list after 14 years for help. Sorry but I just had to say it.

So as we rebuild we are also making the adaptations we need for Wyatt to be as independent as possible. Almost 12 years ago we built our house to ADA minimums but they are minimums for a reason...so we are now making doorways and corners much easier to navigate. Luckily I am married to a man who knows how to do all of these things and has people who can do it for us because I would feel lost otherwise.

Though awesome I will say it's so hard being the wife of someone who is in construction and is in the business of fixing things because he wants to fix all the things for everyone and for us. It's alot. I love him for it but with work, life and hurricane recovery it has been ALOT. Yep Rach I am going to say it...it could have been worse but I tell you it has been a lot more stress than I first thought and the stress in the house is palpable.

With the kids still not in school it has been even more chaotic. They are in and out of the house, the workers are in and out and the dog is going crazy with all the commotion all day. I hope school will start as planned in the next 2 weeks because we all need a little normalcy.

I can only hope Patrick gets into a rhythm and kids get into a routine so I can take a breath and then we all can feel a little more at ease.

Please pray we find a van soon and we can get it in the next month and that I can keep it together. Y'all know I can usually hold it together but lately the tears are hard to hold back. I knew it would start when the ceiling came down and now I need to turn off the faucet.

Anyway...I'm getting ready to make brownies and eat them in bed while watching Dateline with Patrick because we also don't have any furniture in the living room. Yall just eat the cake!

Ammendment: We found a van already converted...it's a RAM ProMaster. It has to be transported here from Indiana so hopefully it will be here by the Wyatt's second first day of school and that the car insurance adjuster will finally finish up our claim.