The year started off with a bang. Patrick had covid so he spent New Year's Eve in bed while the boys and I popped fireworks. Christmas break ended and they have been back in school for a week. Though it makes for a quieter house I do miss having them around. Since hurricane Ida, Wyatt has been going to school every other day and the start of daily school is looming. Last night we found out daily school will start next Tuesday. At least we finally know so we can start the prepping because the unknown date was creating some angst. I could feel Wyatt's anxiety increase everyday, just knowing that daily would be starting sometime this month. It will be good for him to be back in school everyday but with his increased anxiety his behavior becomes a little, well really a lot, more on ornery. The other day as he was finishing up his online learning his frustration with completing his assingment increased more and more. He started to cry and looked at me and with tears of sadness and frustration in his eyes and said..."Mom I NEED a hug".
I threw my arms around him and I could feel the pent up frustration and sadness melt away, if even just for a few minutes. Sometimes he just can't let it go and it just gets the best of him.
As I have said many times before, anxiety is a beast and when it takes hold of Wyatt it is very hard for him to move on. I wish I could say this is something we just see at home but it is part of his everyday life. I was reminded of this Monday during his annual IEP meeting. This is a meeting when the teachers and I get together to make sure everything is set up at school for him to succeed. During the meeting his counselor talked about how Wyatt ruminates on things and that it is so hard for him to move on from frustrating issues. She said because of this many times it ruins his day. The counselor is working on this with him but it makes it hard for his teachers to anticipate the day. Just yesterday I picked him up and I could tell it had not been a good afternoon. His teacher came to the van to tell me that he really struggled in class and his aide looked very frustrated with him. I was at a loss for what to say to him so we drove in silence for a bit and then finally he just spit it out..."we were supposed to go outside for physical training and instead we were inside. I just couldn't get over it." When we got home I gave him time to cool down and then we went over it all again and he just looked at me and leaned over and said, "Mom I NEED a hug." This time I not only felt all the anxiety, frustration, and disappointment melt from him, it also melted mine. He squeezed me as hard as his little weak arms let him and we cried together. Sometimes it's just not fair. As he questioned me and himself saying "can't I just have a bad day?" I had to say you can have a bad day, we all can have bad days, but we need to try to control how we react to the bad day. And sometimes it is just hard.
Since we were in the moment and with the new semester and every day school around the corner I felt I needed to start the prep for all the changes coming in the next few weeks. His anxiety hit a new level and he couldn't speak. There were just tears. Knowing that he would no longer be in ROTC or in his favorite class Study Skills threw him for a loop. He does agree that knowing ahead of time will help him adjust but he is not happy about the change. I know once it happens being prepped for it will help him adjust.
Luckily after being at a new school for just a few months his teachers have taken him under their wing. They look out for him and have found strategies that help him through the school days. And though sometimes he has a bad day it's nice to know that my hug is right there to help him get through it.
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