Do you ever feel there is no way you are prepared to deal with the situation at hand? This can be anything from family and friend struggles, work struggles, or anything that is going on in this crazy world right now. There are so many times in life where you don’t think you are the right person for the job. Recently during my daily yoga class we were instructed to say to ourselves “where I am right now is just where I am supposed to be” and it resonated deeply.
As a mom of a child with special needs I have been faced with many situations where I wonder if I am right where I am supposed to be. I wonder if I am a good enough mother to Wyatt and to my youngest son. A life changing diagnosis makes you question yourself and if you are good enough, strong enough, smart enough. When I heard these words I took a step back and reflected on if I am where I am supposed to be and the answer is YES.
Over the last year many of us have been able to really take time to see what is truly important and able to change course if needed. In the beginning of the pandemic my entire family was at home together for days on end. We reconnected as a family and truly enjoyed the little things in life like swimming everyday together, daily walks in the neighborhood, creating puzzles and reading books. We were able to slow down. We knew in our hearts that this lock in time would not last forever but we were going to take advantage of every minute. We planned to “love every moment” and to “not take a moment for granted.” Many may have questioned our decisions to go on vacations out of town but when you have a diagnosis that could limit your activities as a family in the future sometimes the risks outweigh the benefits. I do consider myself lucky to have been exactly where we needed to be at that time. We saw the mountains, enjoyed staying in a beautiful home in Wyoming and then in a cabin in the woods in Arkansas. We took the time to enjoy right where we were at that time, enjoy the beauty and love of our entire life.
As 2020 came to a close I was then challenged with my son’s disease progressing. I doubted I was right where I should be. I was not ready to hear the words from Wyatt’s doctor that we need an emergency plan because he may fall and not be able to get up on his own. He was slowing down and the disease was speeding up. I thought about how much I had prepared myself for the inevitable but hearing those words I realized I was not ready. I knew my heart and my mind were not right where they should be. So I talked to my husband, friends and other family members about what the doctor said and realized I was exactly where I needed to be. I thought back about diagnosis day and how Patrick and I have prepared over these 13 years for when these days would arrive. It broke my heart but helped me realize how I was preparing myself to be exactly where I was meant to be. I remember how scared I was but knew that together we were chosen as Wyatt’s parents and we are who he needs then, now and into the future. I jumped into action to make sure we are proactive and ready for the future we knew would come but hoped we would not see because there would be a cure.
As we rang in 2021 I took time to reflect on the past decade and how those years have prepared me perfectly to know that right now I am exactly where I should be.
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